Feel In A Dream

They say you can't feel in a dream

Yet it's only when I slumber that the numbness subsides

I hear screams

I see every detail

I revel in the ecstasy of another's bare skin

I smell smoke as I gaze into a fire

I feel fear

I feel love

I feel safe

I feel everything

Even my nightmares are a blessed release from the doldrums of the waking hours

For the first time I can finally see the appeal of mind numbing drugs,

I spent years reprehending those who jabbed

who drank

who snorted

who smoked

My friends

My mother

My lover

I sneered at them all.

But now I am sitting here craving sleep

I dread the moment I next awake

The colours will fade away

The breeze will snatch the miraculous odours

Her hand will dribble away, right between my fingers and I may never catch it again

I try to cope with consciousness

I grind colours into canvass

I toss spices in a pan

I talk to her

think of her

imagine her

see her

But I can only feel when I think no more

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