Good bye


I never thought it would hit me like this
you saying that we might no longer kiss
that I won't feel your breath brushing my lips
these thoughts lash my heart like nine-tailed whips,
I lurch without warning, my stomach convulsed

I cannot bear this being repulsed,
not by you my most precious sweet.

When I look up at you your eyes retreat,
hiding from the look of pain on my face
the pain I can't hide, nor my distaste for the thought you'd rather have some other man kiss your lips and hold your warm hand

The news hit me slowly
It didn't quite sink in
till I got round the corner, then I broke within
Winded without touch
bruised by the air
maimed and broke down by not having you there

I turn round to see you after some time
It hurts that the lips you kiss are not mine

I can't hold my gaze, you're too beautiful to bear
I have to run my hands through your beautiful hair
But I can't anymore, my path has been changed
without my permission it was rearranged.

You open your mouth and I know what's to come
My eyes begin to water and I pray you go dumb
for I cannot bear to hear those words I know are coming for me
the nails in the coffin of our duality
The spell has been broken, our cosmic trap
But I was still in it when it was melted for scrap
So I am part of it, itself part of me
and through its strong eyes I only now see

I have to run, far away from this place
I want to hide my now broken face
I cannot stay to hear what I know you will say
I have to turn to run the other way
But I don't, I stand silent and quiveringly still
I won't break the silence, I know that you will

Your words will lay with me in my grave when I die
Not your "I love you", much worse, your "Good bye"

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©MMXX James Wordsworth